Despite the claim that the Cybertruck is “built for any planet,” it sure seems to have plenty of trouble with some of the most common conditions on this planet — a reality well documented by the good people of reddit’s Cyberstuck community. As the name suggests, this community exists to share the many, many failures of the Cybertruck, especially those that leave it, well, cyberstuck. For the education of potential Cybertruck owners, and the amusement of everyone who knows better, I’ve assembled this handy list to just a few of the most common things that will render the vaunted Cybertruck…cyberstuck.
Water
Did you know that fully 75% of our planet is covered in water? And that even very dry places get wet from time to time? Apparently this didn’t occur to the Tesla engineers, because despite the truck having not one but two special modes for dealing with that ubiquitous molecule (Car Wash and Wade), there are numerous documented instances of the vehicle simply dying after coming into contact with the stuff. From this hilarious video of a Cybertruck instantly failing after driving through a puddle to stories of people voiding their warranty by washing their cars to this terrifying video of a Cybertruck completely losing traction and crashing upon encountering a couple inches of standing water and the manual warning not to transport large quantities of liquid lest you damage the truck, it’s pretty obvious that wetter is not better — unless you’re trying to get cyberstuck.
Snow
Hey, can anyone tell me if people in cold climates need trucks? Just kidding, I grew up in Wyoming, and I know there’s no better vehicle for snowy driving than a truck with decent clearance. So how does the Cybertruck do? Uh…would you believe worse than the rear-wheel drive Datsun 280Z I learned to drive in? After seeing videos of Cybertrucks stuck in as little as two inches of snow, on city streets and in parking lots, you have to ask yourself if the folks who failed doing more extreme stuff — like taking the highway, or driving in the country, or at night, or, uh, leaving a hotel — were brave, or just foolish. Either way, snow plus Cybertruck is a quick way to get thoroughly stuck.
The Cold
Even if you have to stay inside when it snows doesn’t mean the Cybertruck is entirely useless in the colder climes, does it? As long as it handles the cold well, you should be fine — just wait for the plows! Oh, what’s that? It doesn’t handle the cold well, at all? Won’t even charge in subzero temperatures? And if you do get it to charge, the range is likely to be severely affected. Oh well, I am sure none of those situations will leave its owners stuck…
Sand
OK, so it doesn’t handle water, cold or snow well. That’s fine, surely it will dominate warmer environments, like the desert, or the beach (well, the part of the beach that’s dry…)? Perhaps! Unless there’s any sand out there, that is. If these videos and images of Cybertrucks being stuck in, pulled out, pushed off, dug out and generally being completely confounded by sand are any indication, maybe not. Hey, at least when they’re stuck in the sand, they can go for a walk on the beach (or into the deep desert) while they contemplate their life decisions.
Off Roading
Half the fun of a truck is taking it off road! And the Cybertruck was heavily hyped as an offroad beast! So surely you will be shocked (shocked, I say) to hear that it has failed to live up to that promise. Let’s headline this one with the now infamous attempt to do the Rubicon trail (spoiler alert: it did not go well) before we move on to less renowned but equally hilarious failures off road. For example, did you ever hear of any other truck getting so high-centered that none of its wheels touch the ground? That’s a Cybertruck exclusive, baby! Whether it’s multiple flats while trying to go up a mountain or the thing just disintegrating after launching off a dune, there’s no end to the ways this thing can leave you stuck off road! It’s a worldwide phenomenon, with reports coming in from as far away as Ukraine of its many failures, and these videos being so common and ridiculous, it’s impossible to tell if they’re satire.
Rocks
Yeah, you heard me right: rocks. What, you don’t think a rock should disable a car that costs as much as a two-bedroom condo in a Midwestern city? Maybe even one small rock? Or just a generally rocky road in Texas? Well, friends, I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe you could take it up with Tesla? You’ll have plenty of time to wait on hold while you’re stuck on the side of the road due to the unacceptable presence of stones on the path you drove.
Literally Any Road Hazard
Maybe I am being unfair? After all, as much fun as it is, lots of truck owners rarely, or never, take their vehicle off road. So the Cybertruck should be fine for those folks, right? Maybe…as long as they don’t encounter any sort of parking lot obstacle, or traffic safety item or the median…
Pilot Error
Look, I can’t blame it all on the truck. After all, some (many) of these situations are what we used to call an ID10T error back in my tech support days — pilot error, in other words. There’s definitely a case to be made that driving through a bunch of fences to prove how tough your truck is, or driving it into a big construction pit for…reasons, or even just going someplace you have no business being isn’t really Tesla’s fault. On the other hand, their marketing does seem aimed at a certain kind of Special Boy who thinks rules and laws — even the laws of physics — don’t apply to them.
Actual Nothing at All
I’ve saved the best for last. It seems that sometimes, and by sometimes I mean pretty often, Cybertrucks just…give up. Whether it’s minutes after it was purchased, hours after it was purchased, or days after it was purchased, sometimes it just dies for no discernible reason and leaves you stuck. Other times, the charger just locks up and that can apparently brick the truck, which is fun! A random latch breaking can render it undrivable, and sometimes part of it just explodes in your driveway. Exciting! Every day is an adventure and you never know how it might leave you stuck.
Bonus: The Flipped Turtle Mystery
We’ll leave you with a little bonus mystery to ponder as you enjoy these Cybertrucks getting cyberstuck. If you follow the spectacular failures of this massive boondoggle closely, as I have, you’ll quickly realize that, somehow, a lot of these things end up on their roofs. How does it happen? Still unknown, but these videos of roofbound Cybertrucks pop up here and there, alongside even more common photos of Teslas gone ass over teakettle. What keeps dumping these overpriced go-karts on their heads? The world may never know, but it won’t stop us from laughing about it.
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